I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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