Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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