They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
