I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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