u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
