What did we do last night that was yellow?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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