never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
