god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
