stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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