shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
