you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
