just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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