I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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