i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
