forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
