There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
