Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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