we're blogging at a bar
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
