who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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