ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
