3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
