Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
