nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a beard to bite.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
