I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
