Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
