4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
