i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
