I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
