you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
