One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
