My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
