you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
