I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
