singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
