office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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