I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
