Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
