my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
