He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drake has all the answers
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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