What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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