batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
