i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
