I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm having to shit out rocks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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