There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
