My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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