All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
