We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
