Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
