I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
