were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
