I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
