I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
