I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
